If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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