my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
