Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
