im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
