i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
