I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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