I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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