i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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