my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
