My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
