OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
