I hope mine doesn't look like that
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
