The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
