sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
