I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
