I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
