His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We need to get me chipped asap
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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