just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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