The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
this boner is exhausting
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
