And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My cat gives me a boner
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This is classic penis vs brain.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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