Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
