I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
