You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
two words: eviction party
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
