is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize