Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
