All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
