between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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