Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize