i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
