Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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