This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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