I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
