my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
