Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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