why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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