Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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