You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
where are my eyebrows?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
