i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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