Define "chronic" masturbator.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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