How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
