My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
ugly people sure do ruin things
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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