Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
