I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize