she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
