In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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