I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
