Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
