Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize