I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
