Its about making memories worth repressing
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
