I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
