Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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