Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
