You made me cry and you don't even care
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
