so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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