Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
