is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
