She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
