Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
