sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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