I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
