I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
