I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
