also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
