stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
