i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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