i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
