All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
