my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
