does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
