He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
