You're so nebulous sometimes
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
