My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
