I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
