It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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