Me too!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
