i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
