Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
