so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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