Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
